see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
