Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
