is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
zippers are such a cool invention
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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