I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
