Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
