I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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