I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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