i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
