His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
