I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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