you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize