Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
