I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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