I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Come see our sink grown plant.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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