Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
