I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
