he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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