In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
