Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
