So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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