So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
