With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
