I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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