I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
