A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
