Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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