he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
