What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
