I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
