those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
