Jerry, you need to find god
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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