Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
