I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
