Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
