Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
