It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
