I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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