I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
