Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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