Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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