Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
