when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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