No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
