i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
