I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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