My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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