yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
