I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
