Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
