does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
