Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
