He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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