Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
