I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
