Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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