You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
