Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Panties = found
Randomize
