you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
