he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
