You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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