If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
