I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
