bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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