Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
