I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
