If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
