I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize