You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
