he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize