new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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