he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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