I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Four minutes until I can fart!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
