The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
